Department of Miscellaneous
Liam Kadel
Dear Berry students,
Due to complaints from parents, faculty, staff, alumni, and the United States government, we regret to inform you that the Department of Miscellaneous will be closing at the end of the 2024-25 school year. Apologies if this comes as a shock to many none of you.
Here are some of the changes we are making for the closure:
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Introduction to Primal Scream Therapy (MSC-224). After causing several instances of spontaneous metal music erupting in sections of the choir, Dr. Neal has requested this course be moved as far from Bell Recital Hall as possible. Its new location will be next to the American Sign Language classrooms in Evans Hall as motivation.
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Advanced Undergraduate Feminist Geopoliticosociobiomacroncoeconomics Research for Dummies (MSC-999-WI). This course will no longer be offered because every single one of the few students who signed up for it developed early-onset “graduate student syndrome,” i.e., after finishing the course, they all became professors of Advanced Undergraduate Feminist Geopoliticosociobiomacroncoeconomics Research for Dummies, or they were admitted to a psych ward.
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Class for John (MSC-JOHN). This class resulted in too many fights among students to determine who was the “one true John.” The only professor, Dr. Jonathan “John” Johnson, refused to intervene, claiming, “This is my course. I am He.”
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Procrastination for Beginners (MSC-101). Every professor we hired would only show up to class for 20 minutes on the day of the final exam. Thus, this course has been removed.
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Bribery and Government Corruption (MSC-236). Due to scrutiny, this course is no longer offered. On an unrelated note, the business school will offer a new course starting next year: Lobbying.
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Exorcism Seminar (MSC-666). Students in this course kept trying to exorcise the apparent demons possessing the “Cult of the Johns,” adding to the chaos.
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Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (MSC-201). Faculty complained about needing to change the name of this course every year, so we have closed it. On an unrelated note, our new “Berry Belonging” course will be available—oh, nevermind.
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“Good Neighbo”—are you serious? How are they already complaining if we haven’t even announced it yet?
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Keep an eye out for our BASIC HUMAN DECENCY course next year. All students who enroll must sign an NDA.
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Introduction to Gaslighting (MSC-███). Printing error. We’re not sure how this ended up here. This course was never offered. If you think it was, you’re wrong. Stop acting crazy. What do you mean, “It’s right there, I took that class last year?” No, you didn’t—you must have confused it for a different class! Why are you always upset like this? You’re cheating on me with John, John, John, and John, aren’t you!?
Other changes can be found online in the course catalog at berry.edu.
Have a great break!
Sincerely,
Dr. John Schmigglesen
Executive Vice Dean of the Office of the Provost of Academic Student Success Affairs
Spring 2024